Totally Normal

In the midst of all the packing, errands, and miscellaneous projects on the to-do list, Neil and I had a conference call with Xiaoqing (adoption coordinator extraordinaire) yesterday afternoon to go over the finer points of our two week itinerary.  Mostly, she wanted to spend some time talking about what she describes as the hardest day of the entire trip:   December 26th, the day after we arrive in China, and the day where we will first  meet Qing Tong.  Xiaoqing. who tends to speak softly  and evenly,  put a lot of emphasis on the term "totally normal,"  a phrase which she must have repeated at least a half dozen times in the first 5 minutes of our conversation.  As in: "it would be totally normal if your daughter started screaming and banging her head on the floor upon meeting her new parents for the first time" and "It its totally normal for parents to feel disappointed and overwhelmed at first, but you'll get through it.  Everyone does."  Point taken....and while it is hard not to feel a little rattled, Neil said it best:  "We're prepared to expect the worst and to hope for the best."

And it is a good thing he's got that outlook, too, because Xiaoqing also said it would be "totally normal" for Qing Tong to attach to her father first.  It seems that many of the children do -- even though she will never have seen the likes of someone like Neil ever before (a tall man in the US, he will be a giant in China -- and a white one, to boot) -- many of the children associate their new mother with all of the women who have abandoned and disappointed them before.  Where we once thought that my look might be just familiar enough to be comforting, we now know that it could be Neil's "otherness" that will save the day.  That and his gentle demeanor and his downright silliness (which she'll certainly see soon enough) will help, as well.  Xiaoqing also made a point to say that I might find this very hurtful at first, but I'm going to have to check my ego at the door.  Checked.

I am already teary when I think about how frightened and confused she'll be, but to hear Xiaoqing describe how the first 48 hours shake down, it is hard for me to imagine that I won't be sitting on the floor and just crying along next to her.  Many of you have asked and here is the the answer: "No.  No, we will not have an opportunity to visit the orphanage."  Too emotional and traumatic for everyone -- experience has told them that it is better to jump right in quickly and to plan for a "Heritage Tour" years later when everyone in the family is ready to really see and feel where she spent the first two years of her life.

So instead, on December 26th, our guide will escort us to the "Registration" Office" where Qing Tong will be brought to us by an administrator (not one of her beloved nannies) of the orphanage.  We'll have about 40 minutes of transition time at the Registration Office before we tote her back to our hotel and cocoon ourselves for the next 24 hours before signing adoption papers the next day. 

Xiaoqing also predicts that Mason will play a critical role during this early stage.....a more trustworthy ambassador by virtue of his age, size, and the natural empathy that comes with being another kid.  Big changes and challenges up ahead for our boy Mason.  "It could be really hard, Mas," I say to him as we are driving home the other night  "Your life is about to totally change."

"I know," he says.  "But I'm ready for it."  We couldn't have been more proud.